LOGANDRAN RENGANATHAN

 

Our love story started long before Logan and I ever actually met.

And when you think about it, most love stories start that way. Every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you and prepares you for that person you were fated for. Any previous heartbreaks or dark days or lonely nights can be crucially important in the grand scheme of things, sometimes we need to know what something feels like when it’s wrong before we can ever really know it when another thing is RIGHT.

 Somewhere during all this, I read the book “The Secret” which is all about the law of attraction. I really, really believed in what it said. It inspired me. I realized that I had not arranged my life in a way that allowed for all the things I have desired. I hate to skim over this because it’s so important, but let’s just say that I KNEW I had to decide what I wanted my future to look like and start taking active steps towards attracting that future. And staying where I was at the time was a major roadblock. I knew in my heart that if I stayed where I was, life would always be a struggle. 

 

 I ugly-cried those kind of tears at come from somewhere inside you didn’t even know existed—a place of fear and sudden awareness that you are completely alone. And that’s the place I was in when I met Logan. We met at which could either be considered really terrible timing or really great timing. I choose to believe the timing was perfect. Our paths DID cross. the encounter was, TRULY, by chance. Little did I know when I woke up that morning, that my life was about to be turned upside down.  I didn’t know it at the time, but this was a game-changing move. One of those moments where the Universe intervenes because that particular event wasn’t in keeping with the greater plan. My life would be drastically different right now. Funny how the smallest little decisions and changes of course can alter the entire plot of your life.

 

I’d be lying if I said I heard a choir of angels singing, or if I said a bright light shone upon him like some supernatural vision from God, but there truly was instant attraction. He had the deepest set of eyes I’d ever seen, and from then on I was in somewhat of a stupor, which is not unusual for me when faced with awkward social situations

I was shaking. I can’t explain it, but I felt like I was dreaming. My mind was racing with thoughts of how completely serendipitous this encounter was, but how completely awful it felt to be entertaining thoughts of falling for someone who have shown countless kindness action towards me

And I COULD just say “the rest is history,” but that really wouldn’t be doing the story justice. The part that comes next is half the fun! I suppose that sometimes fate might whisper, but in our case, it screamed.

Truth be told, the relationship encountered quite a bit of trepidation from my friends and family, even I had my moments of doubt as things moved along at lightning speed. I spent many teary moments on that window seat, wondering when I would wake up from this lovely dream. Thankfully, I never did.

But the truth is, things haven’t always been super easy;  we had to learn to adapt to each other – but I can honestly say that when you are deeply and unselfishly in love, things aren’t that hard. And I wish each and every one of you, if you haven’t found it already, a love story just like ours – not because our relationship is perfect (because it isn’t – honest), but because we have found a way to love one another despite. Despite our imperfections,  despite our quirks and idiosyncrasies, and despite a sometimes uncertain future.


The first few months  has taught me a lot, and I can’t wait to share our journey with him. This life can be a beautiful thing – sometimes sad, sometimes tragic, sometimes full of sorrow and suffering and pain – but ALWAYS full of love.


I remember that day, when my ear was pressed against his chest; his heart beat was beating loudly in that protective body of his and his vibrating voice echoed through. I could feel it too. We talked for a long time on that very day, talked about life, music, love, our love, him, me, us, everything.

He looked up, smiled at me. I asked him why he got so lovey dovey all of a sudden. He replied with a kiss and said because he loved me. I loved him too, very much, and I told him that.
We stared into each other’s eyes for a long time and I could feel the tears building up behind mine.
‘’You’ve never seen me cry have you?’’ I asked.
‘’No, and I hope that I never will.’’ He replied back with a serious voice.
But he did.
The salty water just came pouring down my face while he, confused, tried to wipe them away with his thumbs.
‘’Why are you crying?’’ He asked, almost crying himself.
‘’Because I love you.’’ I hated how desperate I sounded.
‘’But why are you crying then?’’
I didn’t know how to tell him. Tell him that he was the only Man in the world that could make me feel so happy and sad at the same time, tell him how lost I feel when he’s not around, how jealous I get when I’m with him that I swear I could hurt somebody. Tell him that I’m so in love with him and the love we shared, Tell him that when he talks my whole body shivers, how when he talked to me I forget to breath sometimes, how I feel like a little girl when he puts my hair behind my ears, even though I hate how I look with my hair like that. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t understand why he loved me. So I simply replied:

‘’Because I love you.’’

I have learned to listen to my heart. 

I have learned that if you never make room for better things and better ways to be,

if you never clear out the things in your life that stand in the way of your happiness,

 then you are not aligning your universe to allow for amazing things.  

 In this life, you don’t find yourself.  You create yourself. 

And the same goes for love: you don’t find love,

you create a road for love to travel and wait for it to come.

Many more happy returns of the day my one and only one....

 you might feel bored hearing me saying this, 

but i will never stop saying and showing,

how much i love you 

and how much my life have changed since you walked into it, 

i have become a better person 

and i owe you for that... <3